Question of Certainty
by Luinlothana
Summary: Sometimes you concentrate on finding proof so much that you miss what’s right in front of you. And sometimes it seems no reassurance is quite enough. In both cases confrontation might help. It doesn’t always though.


Disclaimer: Surprising as it may be, I'm afraid I am _not _the owner of the rights to Blood Ties exercising said ownership by writing fanfiction but simply one of many fanfiction writers owning only whatever original plot ideas they managed to base on someone else's intellectual property. And even that bit I'd happily give away if it meant bringing the show back.

Summary: Sometimes you concentrate on finding proof so much that you miss what's right in front of you. And sometimes it seems no reassurance is quite enough. In both cases confrontation might help. It doesn't always though.

Big thank you goes to my beta Marlana for all her help with the story.

Question of Certainty

Henry heard her heart outside his door long before she knocked. Still, he tried to rein in his impatience and waited until she decided she was ready. When it finally sounded, the knock was a confident one.

He opened the door to see Victoria Nelson surprisingly pale, which together with her elevated heartbeat made him worry about her health all of a sudden. Seeing a determined look on her face, he didn't think commenting on her health would be a good idea.

The PI slipped inside. Their eyes met.

"You have one night." She announced apropos nothing. "Then it's final."

"Vicki? What are you talking about?" He was certain that he didn't manage to keep the confusion off his face but neither did he particularly care at the moment.

"What I'm talking about is that I've had enough, I'm not letting you play with me anymore. I want to finally know where I stand."

"Play with you? Vicki, are you sure you are feeling all right?"

"Oh, I'm feeling great. Wonderful. Unbelievably frustrated. Tired of being toyed with."

"Victoria, I told you, I've never…"

"Oh no? First you're all but stating that you want us together no matter what. Then, a while later, I'm trying to see if you can handle possible jealousy of what I had with Mike, thinking that if you can, so can I about all your…" She waved her hand. "And what do you do? Get up and leave. Not letting me explain anything. Despite knowing I have abandonment issues."

"Vicki…"

"I'm not finished. Not by a long shot. After that you act like you want to move things forward again. It takes me a while but I'm finally starting to believe you mean it, so I make a move. Only to have you blame it all on a demon and say you want to forget it ever happened."

Her voice rose.

"But then you send me mixed signals again. You say, on one of my repeats, that you want us together. And like a fool I fall for that again only to have you show me that you don't trust me. Tell me that you are still in love with Christina. And when I'm trying to convince myself that maybe you didn't mean it like that you invite me on a date. Then when I agree, you say that it's just another case that you want me to take. That was the last straw, Henry."

He stared at her for a long time. Then he finally snapped out of the initial shock and managed to speak.

"Vicki, if you only knew… Or if I had any idea…"

"Save it, Henry. I'm not letting you do that again. My emotional state is a wreck to begin with. I'm not letting you break whatever is left into even smaller pieces."

If he were still able to dream, he would have thought that between the inverted logic of it all and the horrible feeling that he was losing Vicki for good the whole scene playing before his eyes had to be some twisted nightmare. Even now, despite not having dreamt in centuries he was close to reaching that conclusion. Finally another thought registered.

"What did you mean about me having one night, Vicki?"

"I'm giving you the benefit of doubt. If you actually feel something for me, want us to be together, you have tonight to prove it. But if you don't, then as of tomorrow morning I'm not letting myself ever believe that nonsense again."

A small flicker of hope rekindled in his heart. But at the same time desperation set in. How was he to suddenly prove to her something he usually showed in every gesture around her, of which she apparently remained ignorant? Try to make it obvious and court her in the traditional way? He very much doubted she would respond to that in any other way than irritation if not outright anger. Still, he had to try something. What other choice did he have?

Testing the waters he took her hand and got down on one knee. The action, he noted, surprised her enough that he had her full attention. His eyes met hers.

"I accept your terms, Victoria, and hope from the bottom of my heart that this night of all nights my words and actions won't be misunderstood. I have to ask you for something in return though. Would you give me your word that at least until the dawn comes you will keep your heart open for me?"

She stiffened, he noted, and breathed heavily as she looked at him, thrown off balance by the situation she was unaccustomed to. Then she blinked.

"Yeah, that's more or less what I wanted anyway, right? I mean, it doesn't really change the terms or anything." Her voice suggested she was still a bit overwhelmed. Good. At least then he might have a chance to break through her defences.

"Thank you, Victoria." He gently kissed her hand. "Fairness is all I ask for."

He rose from his knees using that as an opportunity to close the distance between them further. Before she had a chance to protest he closed his arms around her in a gentle embrace. Then in a pang of honesty he spoke.

"Vicki, I truly don't know what I could do tonight to convince you once and for all, given how terribly my actions were misread before. Perhaps it would be easier for me if I didn't love you and admire you so much. I would then have a clearer mind and a lot less to lose. But whatever you decide tonight, I want you to know one thing. Never did I pretend when I showed my feelings for you."

He took her hand again.

"Come. If I brought you pain through what I did in the past, then the least I can do is explain. Then we will see what to do with the rest of the night." He led her to the settee and gestured for her to sit. "What do you say?"

She sat down firmly. "Explain away."

"Thank you." Instead of taking the seat next to her he once again kneeled before her, holding her hand. "Now please allow me to tell you the story of how I met the woman I love more than anything…"

III

_A little girl was lying wide awake, listening to the voices in the next room._

"_I can't do that anymore, Marge. I'm slowly dying out here."_

"_Then what do you propose, Jack? If we love each other…"_

"_Love? Don't be ridiculous. Do you really think of it that way? What we have are only chains. And I feel I'm dying in them a bit every day."_

"_Please, at least think of the child…"_

"_What about the brat? It was you who wanted to get pregnant anyway. I told you we should wait. If you listened to me we wouldn't have this problem now."_

"_Problem? Is that all your daughter is to you? A problem?!"_

"_Well, isn't she? Why would you bring her up otherwise?"_

"_Don't you have a heart?"_

"_Do you? Keeping me bound to you only to make me waste here when you have nothing to offer me?"_

"_Nothing to offer? I gave you my whole life!"_

"_Apparently your life wasn't worth much."_

"_And you actually think someone will offer you more than I did?"_

"_I know someone will."_

_A pause._

"_Who is she, Jack?"_

"_That's none of your business. What's important is that she showed me what I was missing. What you never gave me. She completes me."_

"_Just listen to yourself. And you once said you loved me. That you'd always stay with me."_

"_I was a fool. She opened my eyes."_

_The woman's sobs sounded in the room and in her bed the girl held more tightly to a stuffed blue mouse and cried as well, not even understanding completely what her parents were saying. She was scared, more than she ever was. And confused._

_It wasn't until the first rays of dawn appeared in her window that she finally drifted to sleep._

_When she woke up the next morning, her mommy was very pale and had awfully red eyes. And her daddy was nowhere to be seen._

III

Henry's words were passionate and the look in his eyes made them seem true. For a brief second she let herself fall under their spell. Realising her slip she hastily tried to shake it off.

"Well, nice story. No wonder, given that you actually make your living by writing. Still it proves nothing but your literary skills."

She thought she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes but it was gone so fast that she convinced herself that she imagined it.

III

_She was sitting in the History of Britain class. It was a warm spring day and she was one of the few people paying attention to Professor Doughlin's lecture rather than have their eyes wander from the light shining through the windows to check the clock ticking away the minutes until the end of the lecture. _

_If it wasn't for the fact that she actually found the topic interesting she might have joined the mass absentmindedness in the face of the professor's monotonous voice._

"_The death of Henry Duke of Richmond put a stop to the king's plans of appointing him as his successor in the event of his marriage with Jane Seymour not resulting in a birth of a legitimate heir. The marriage of the Duke with Mary Howard never resulted in any child ending that line as a possibility before it even became the issue after the death of Edward. In result, Henry VIII deemed the marriage invalid after the passing of the Duke and Mary was sent to live with her family. She never remarried and was later buried next to her husband in St. Michael's Church in Framingham. Now, coming back to the question of the legacy, the birth of Prince Edward seemed to resolve..."_

III

Her eyes focused on him again. Henry was studying her with a strange look of despair in his eyes. She couldn't decide if that look was for her or not.

"Why are you so set on not trusting me, Vicki? Have I done something to warrant that?"

"Aside from the things I mentioned? Mary."

"Who?"

"Mary Howard. You know, that girl you married and then ran off with your lover leaving her mourning her husband for the rest of her life? Rings any bells?"

"You don't understand, Vicki."

"Well, I do understand, very well so, how it feels to be abandoned by someone. So you fell for Christina. Happens. But you had obligations to your wife and you seemed to disregard them easily enough. Tell me something. Did she even know what happened or was she just crying for her tragically deceased husband?"

III

Henry looked searchingly at Vicki. The fact that all his attempts so far were a spectacular failure was becoming obvious as he kept encountering a wall that the woman perhaps didn't even know she erected. He was determined however not to lose whatever shreds of hope he had, which meant the absolute truth was probably his only option.

His eyes met Vicki's.

"Not for a year, much as I regret to say that."

"And after the year?"

"The relationship between Mary and myself wasn't perhaps much of a marriage in the current understanding of the word but that doesn't mean we were indifferent about each other. Some traits of her character were not unlike those of her brother, so perhaps it shouldn't come as a surprise that we've became friends. Better than I was with Surrey, as he changed with time and we drifted apart. After I parted with Christina, I was shattered and needed comfort. I didn't even consciously make the decision to go to Mary but somehow before I realised it, I found my way to her."

"And what, she welcomed you with open arms?"

"Hardly. At first she saw me as nothing but a monster, a demon who only outwardly still resembled her husband. That was the part of her reaction that was easier to bear."

She lifted an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Oh, really?"

"Really." He admitted reluctantly, the pain awoken anew by the memory. "When she finally understood, she slapped me across the face, said that I didn't deserve even one tear she shed for me, that my actions proved that I was a monster more than my new nature ever could and that she wished that I had just stayed dead. Then she told me to get out of her sight. I did."

Conflicting emotions were playing on Vicki's face but the one that finally settled there wasn't reassuring.

"Well, no wonder she never remarried then, seeing how her first marriage turned out."

"Actually," he allowed himself a small smile, "there was more to it than that."

"Was there?" She was still sceptical.

"Yes. After I left I was trying to find a place for myself. I never succeeded and I must have slipped somewhere, which led to Mendoza capturing me for the first time. After... "Even with all the years that passed he still found the events hard to recall. "After I escaped, I went to see Mary again. I couldn't think of any other place to go. I don't think I even expected her to help me. Lord knows I didn't deserve it after what I put her through. But whether it was because she had some time to come to terms with everything or the way I looked when I got to her, she did. Secretly she took me in and took care of me. I don't know if I'd have been able to put myself back together if it wasn't for her."

"So despite everything, she helped you out?"

"More than that. When I was trying to thank her, she said she was only doing her duty. Ever since she learned that I came back to life she had considered out vows still valid. I told her she didn't need to stay bound to me, that I could release her from the vow, but she wouldn't hear it. So I stayed with her. I knew I was walking a dangerous path, staying so close to those I once knew but I couldn't leave her for the second time. You wanted to know why Mary never married again, Victoria. The answer is, she didn't because until her death she still had her husband by her side."

III

Vicki felt herself tremble slightly under the vampire's piercing gaze. She hated herself for this display of weakness and for how she was moved by the story. She closed her eyes to avoid his look.

"But that's still not the point, is it? Would you have come back if you were able to stay with Christina? Would she know then?"

She opened her eyes just in time to see him look away.

"No, she wouldn't. Perhaps it would even have been kinder to her if she didn't. She would have been free then."

"That's just pathetic, Henry. If you really think that..."

"Objectively I know how hard the alternative was for her at times. If things turned out differently... But you must also understand that I have changed since that time, Vicki."

"But which way? How do I know if it wasn't an 'even less attachment to humans' change? If anything, it suits your actions wonderfully."

"How can you think that?"

"How can I not? Henry, I've been hurt too much in the past to take such risk. So far you've given me nothing but words to reassure myself. Words are just words, no matter if you have a way with them or not."

"What else can I give you that will be received? What _am _I to do, if my words are not enough, more subtle actions go unnoticed and any more straightforward meet outright resistance!?" He raised his voice and she stiffened.

"Understand." She whispered in reply. "That would be a start."

She might as well have slapped him if his expression was any indicator.

"Please, forgive me, Victoria. I never meant to lose my patience."

"Yeah, I figured. Kinda works against your purpose, doesn't it?"

"Purpose? It was you who set the limits. Who didn't allow me the time for patience and understanding."

"And you are the one who pushed me to set them!"

Her words met silence.

III

With desperation Henry hoped for some idea. Some inspiration that would allow him to make her see, make her allow at least the smallest of cracks in the otherwise impenetrable wall. None appeared.

It seemed that whatever he did, he could not win. And when his frustration found, in the turmoil of his emotions, a way to the surface, it destroyed whatever acceptance there was on Vicki's side. What he hoped for, for so many days now, what for a few brief moments seemed so close that night, only an explanation of misunderstanding away, was not only torn away from him but shredded to pieces by cruel fate.

He looked at her in one last attempt to somehow communicate with his eyes what he couldn't express with words but she averted his gaze. In that moment he felt his heart break.

"It's no use, Vicki." He heard his own whisper. "We won't get anywhere with this discussion. Or with anything else." He saw her look at him in surprise but he forced himself to continue. "I finally see that there is no chance where I deluded myself there was one. I am only sorry if acting on that delusion I hurt you in the process."

She was silent. The last flicker of hope in him, holding onto the thought that she would protest, try harder to let them find a way, died leaving darkness and emptiness in its wake.

Suddenly he understood that he couldn't stay half-way. That he wouldn't be able to see her every night without memories of this night always at bay, only waiting to be fully recalled. He had to get out, to get as far away as he could before this feeling destroyed him completely.

Tomorrow night he would call Augustus. Perhaps it was time for change anyway. Time to let go of this lifetime and start anew. With one glance at her his despair was complete.

"I just want to ask you for something, Vicki. You promised me this night. Please, pose for me. Allow me to paint your portrait. So I can always remember you."

"Why would you..."

He didn't let her finish. "Please, Victoria. Can you give me at least that?"

"Sure, if you want. But you are confusing me here, just so you know."

"Thank you."

With his leaden heart, he went to get the canvas.

III

Vicki was looking at Henry with wary confusion as he concentrated on putting her image on canvas. He hadn't spoken since he got her to agree to pose and try as she might she couldn't read him. All she knew was that she really didn't like his expression. Not that she felt threatened in any way, but it gave her a feeling that something bad was about to happen. The closest thing to a description she could give though, was that he looked like someone who just lost their best friend. There were so many things lacking in that approximation that she really wouldn't call it an accurate one.

She noticed he had stopped painting and was now looking at her.

"Henry?"

"It's almost dawn. I don't think I will need you to finish the portrait. I'll do that tomorrow."

"Then I guess that's my cue to leave." She got up and went to the door. Before she left he stopped her and looked at her for the longest moment. There was pain and sorrow in that look and she almost asked him about it. In the end she remained quiet.

He kissed her cheek.

"Goodbye, Victoria." His look told her clearly that there wasn't anything left to say.

With one confused look at him she left.

As she was riding in the elevator, she couldn't fend off the feeling that she just made some mistake. That she permanently ruined something she would have no hope of correcting. The look on Henry's face as she was leaving his apartment was haunting her.

She left the building deep in thought and automatically glanced left and right before crossing the street. When she heard the honk and the screech of brakes she froze in horror.

III

Henry stood on his balcony, waiting for her to emerge from the building so that he could see her one last time. Mentally berating himself for his own foolishness, he waited. Finally he saw her small figure and felt his heart tighten in pain.

He forced himself to tear his eyes off her and step inside feeling the sun on the brink of rising above the horizon.

As he was fingering the remote to the blinds, he heard a noise outside. And, assuming his ears weren't deceiving him at that point, Vicki's surprised cry. Barely aware of his own actions, he flew back to the balcony and looked down.

The sight that met his eyes had him descending the building as fast as his inhumane skills allowed. Seconds till sunrise.

In the end he wasn't sure which came first – scooping Vicki away from the path of incoming car or pain as the first rays of sun touched his skin. The fear for his life and sheer willpower allowed him to gather enough energy to take them both back into his building and to the thankfully still waiting elevator, away from windows and sunlight.

With every second it was harder for him to concentrate and his body was yearning for the oblivion so much that he could barely register the pain or his surroundings. In a desperate attempt to somehow get control over his mind he pushed the remote he was still holding into Vicki's hand.

"Please, help me get to safety." He whispered to her, barely able to form complete sentences at that point. "The blinds... are still open."

III

Vicki absently took the item from him and tried to think coherently, which wasn't easy after the events of the last few minutes.

"You got burnt." She heard herself saying quite stupidly.

"But you... are safe. That's... what... matters most."

"Henry..." The elevator dinged as it reached the top floor and she found herself almost dragging the vampire to his door. She pressed the button on the remote and counted to ten giving the blinds time to close. The door thankfully wasn't locked. Apparently Henry hadn't had time to take care of securing it after she left.

Somehow she managed to get him to his bedroom.

"You didn't have to do that, you know." She sat on the edge of his bed. "Sure, I would have probably ended up in hospital but you risked your immortal life out there for me."

She received a look of barely focused eyes.

"It... was... worth it. You... are worth... any risk." He whispered and sighed softly, surrendering to the vampire sleep.

She looked at him, only now registering fully the very serious looking burns covering his right cheek, chest and both of his hands. For the first time in a very long time she felt like crying.

"Oh, Henry..." She brushed his hair from his eyes and gently caressed the uninjured side of his face. Then, unable to bring herself to leave him, she lied next to him, watching him.

III

She woke up a couple of hours later to see the burns didn't heal any. For a moment she considered calling Coreen to ask if the girl knew something about healing sun-burned vampires. She quickly discarded that thought though, realising that nobody was likely to write anything about _healing _vampires and the only person who knew anything on the topic was probably Henry himself. So in the end, there was no point panicking the girl, who probably knew as much as she did. Which meant almost nothing aside from the fact that a vampire needed blood to heal.

Blood.

Why hadn't he asked her to let him feed after he got burnt? He must have known she would allow him that without a problem. Come to think of it, she had come to him quite early so she didn't know if he had even had time to feed last night. But that would mean he would have needed blood even more. So why hadn't he...?

Unless... She felt a wave of cold fear wash over her. Unless he thought it was too late and there wasn't a point.

Her memory suddenly started flooding her with details. His expression of pain. His forced, disordered and torn way of speaking. His resigned look at her just before he had fallen asleep. In fact, how was she to know he had? As far as she knew there wasn't any good way to tell vampire sleep apart from... Oh, God.

Tears were now flowing freely from her eyes.

"Henry, I know you can't really hear me right now, but you have to wake up tonight, alright?" She spoke through a tight throat. "I'm sorry about everything I said. I need you."

And it was true, she had to admit to herself. Much as she wished she could control the fact, she had grown so attached to him that she needed him in her life as much as she needed air to breathe. Like it or not, she fell for the vampire, hard, despite trying with all her might not to. And while she was hoping that she could at least have some rational reassurance that she wouldn't end up with a broken heart, she couldn't bring herself to combat the feeling as she intended if he couldn't give her any.

Rational reassurance... could there be something _less _rational to do than risk burning alive to save her? And yet Henry... A sob escaped her.

He had to be alright. He just had to.

III

The Earth slowly turned, hiding Toronto away from the sun.

Awakening to pain was never pleasant, especially if it was an overwhelming pain resulting from close contact with sunlight. His attention was torn away from that thought upon noticing a heartbeat near. Very near. Before he had time to fall back to the pillow after taking the first breath for the night, he found himself in an embrace.

"Feed. Heal. Love you." He heard Vicki's hoarse voice and suddenly wondered if he shouldn't add mental malady to the earlier composed list of injuries.

However, being offered something he needed desperately, he couldn't refuse. In a way, her blood tasted both familiar and strange. The characteristic taste of Vicki was unmistakable but the level of emotions, both positive and negative that he took in with each gulp made it almost unrecognisable. But at the same time rich and strangely fascinating. He had to remind himself he had to stop if he didn't want to harm her. Regretfully, he took one last mouthful and closed the wounds on her neck, leaving just four marks in their wake, savouring the last taste of her blood.

"Thank you." He managed as he slipped out of the close embrace and looked at her.

"Don't you ever do that to me again." She spoke, confusing him even further.

"Do what, Vicki?"

"The whole going outside after sunrise thing for starters."

"Only if you promise me the same about the 'stepping in front of a car' thing." He looked at her more closely. "Victoria, were you crying?"

"Do you have _any_ idea how you scared me?"

"Are you certain it wasn't the almost being ran over that did that?"

"Forget that. You weren't healing. I was afraid that..." Finally he understood.

"I'm sorry I gave you a fright, Vicki. I simply didn't..."

"Yeah, I figured. Still..."

He raised a hand to her face. Despite feeding he still hadn't healed completely and his skin was very tender, making any touch painful, but he couldn't resist wiping away her tears.

"It's all right now, Victoria." He whispered reassuringly. Then he looked into her eyes. "Did I hear what you said when I woke correctly?"

"I don't know what you heard so I can't really answer that. But if you are referring to me saying I loved you, then you did."

"Are you sure it isn't just stress talking through you?"

"If loving you was my reaction to stress, then with the way my life looks like, you could be assured of my feelings for the rest of your life." She replied sarcastically before her tone took on a vulnerable note. "I don't say such things lightly, Henry. You should know that."

"I do know that. I simply cannot believe still that I heard you say that at all."

"I had no choice after trying to deny what I'm feeling didn't work out."

He frowned at that.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"It wouldn't work. You've lived through too much, experienced too much to really feel the same way about me. And I really don't fancy getting hurt just for kicks."

"Vicki, you should know by now your feelings were reciprocated. Whatever I saw in my life doesn't change that." She didn't look convinced and he forced a teasing smile on his face. "After all, I assure you, I don't risk the sunlight for every girl I meet."

She did smile a bit but narrowed her eyes.

"About that, buster. You ever pull a stunt like this again and I will try harder to get over you before I finish what the sun started, comprende?"

"I will try to remember that. And I love you too, Vicki."

THE END

A/N: For the purposes of this story I assume that Henry's first meeting with Mendoza took place around 1545.

Story created for Addicted to Blood Ties contest.

Reviews will be very appreciated.


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